Blog Post #42: To My 13-Year-Old Self

I was standing in the checkout line at TJ Maxx earlier with my sister, eyeing the knockoff bags of Dubai-style chocolates and glittering body washes skeptically, when I had a sudden thought.

“Damn, I feel bad for my 13-year-old self. If I could, I’d go back and give that girl a hug.”

When I was 13, I was the girl standing in front of the bathroom mirror, scrubbing my face with cleanser I found in the drawer, patting (not rubbing) dry with a towel, and covering my face with cream, thinking it would make all the tiny blemishes and imperfections go away- the result of stumbling upon the kpop industry, and deciding it was time for me to begin my 10-step-Korean-skincare journey. I decided that if I only had “glass skin”, I’d be more lovable.

Looking back now, I can’t blame that 13-year-old Laura. It wasn’t her fault that she fell victim to a consumerist mindset created by rich men and societal pressures.

The other day, I was grocery shopping with my mom, when I saw two girls walk by- faces glowing. Except not the kind of glow that comes from joy or excitement- the kind of glow that’s painted on, by foundations, concealers, highlighters, blush.

I don’t mean to launch an attack on makeup- I think makeup can be a beautiful art form, and can serve as a meaningful tool for many women and men.

But how have we come to a point that women are painting the glow onto their faces? Was it always like this? Would the world really be more dull if everyone simply stopped?

Earlier today, I was watching a music video of a classical guitar player. He was sitting on a rock, the sun hitting his face. His skin was scarred and pockmarked, but there was a light that shone from his eyes. That light was beautiful, radiant, contagious.

And I realized, all these years I’ve been rubbing my face with cleansers, and patting with creams, I could have achieved that light and saved so much time if I simply focused on making myself smile more.

I know I’m not the only human with a story like this. The internet, consumerism, and constantly changing beauty standards push people everywhere to buy products they don’t really need, in hopes of a happier life. Not just adults, but children- yes, I’m talking about those 9 and 10 year-olds everyone makes fun of for shopping at Sephora.

It’s sad. 

Am I going to give up my ritualistic skincare routine? No, because at the end of the day, self-care can be highly relaxing. And perhaps because those consumerist ideas have ingrained themselves too deeply into my brain. Except now, it’s just the face wash and the cream, to fight the biting New England winters.

And if there’s one new self-care step I’ll be implementing in 2026, it’s going to be caring less about the occasional zit on my face, and simply doing more of what makes me smile.